Thursday, September 6, 2012


This is the kind of movie that is ok to watch when you really have no other alternative.

Male hero: Ugly as shit, portrayed as a lame actor in a dusty theater doing Hamlet. Drinking party boy, feeling bored with his life and all the pussies waving their tits in front of him.

You already know some deep shit is going to happen to him that will change his life philosophy. We are also introduced in some obscure old family drama, gradually revealed during the movie, that I could have bet it is something unrealistic and stupid. Turns out I was right.

Female hero: Portrayed as a tight-ass ugly woman engaged to be married. She says something supposed to be intuitive - actually idiotic - to let us know something deep is hiding behind that stuff.

I could have bet that by the end of the movie she will show some skin and her hair will be messy and she would have magically became beautiful. Some time into the movie it seemed it was going my way,

 but at the end I was only half right: there was messy hair, unnecessary cleavage bur the guys in the makeup department didn't go nearly as far as I would have thought.

So I guess it was the "British women look dull but they are interesting" kind of point.

Settings: Action is supposed to take place sometimes in the 1800's or some shit like that.Still, everybody has perfect teeth, perfect manicure and there is not a single woman with a mustache in the whole movie, even the old or poor ones.

Fashion: Retro clothing with a goth accent or something some fashion student in his first year of practice thought they were wearing those days.

Special effects: In the 2000's, it seems all movies mus have special effects, no matter what is it about. The fantasy genre is filled with unnecessary scenes that seem cut from some computer game intro. I guess if you are a fan of that, is ok, but how much computer generated blood can you watch being splatted over a wooden-texture without yawning, now, really? I mean, that shit was cool when The mummy came out but, since then, it kinda lived it's life and we should all give it a brake and only take it out when it's presence is really demanded.

Description of the movie in one word: stereotypes. Aside from the main characters, the fashion, the housing, the dark light, there are shit loads of them: the guy with the Irish accent drinking in the local inn, the indie servant with the grey beard,

the Romanian speaking gipsy fortune teller, the Hamlet theater play, the constable with a big mustache and little understanding of reason and logic, the villagers with torches and shotguns, the ignorant priest with the Satan alarm.. you name it, it was there. 20 minutes through the movie I expected a black guy to be hanged somewhere in there. Stonehenge was in it for fucks sake!

The plot: Guy finds out his brother has been killed in mysterious circumstances, "investigates" the death, gets bitten by a werewolf, becomes one, gets killed. The end.